Sunday, November 30, 2008, 10:12 PM
When it comes to emotional problems involving my family and our relationship with each other, I consider myself as the weakest person in the world for being unable to either cope up or make a move about it. I am my parent’s eldest child so they expect a lot from me such as taking over them when they can’t do certain things they know I can. You know, I can do things as simple as reprimanding my younger brothers to clean up their own mess, or to ask them to swap over or just help me with household chores all because I can’t do all of it alone. But things like asking my brother to stop being overly stubborn and disrespectful to my parents because my mother just recently had an emotional breakdown and my father almost had a heart attack because of one unpleasant thing my brother did, that I couldn’t do or I had no courage to do.
I guess I have the longest patience in the world. I often close my eyes to headaches my siblings cause my parents. Other eldest child may have warned or scolded their younger siblings right away. It’s not that I don’t care. God knows how much my family means to me. I just store everything inside as long as I can take it. Some say people like me can be very dangerous because when the lines of our patience cut down we blow up like bombs. I remember the last time I divulged my anger for my brother because I couldn’t take watching my mom cry because of him. I found myself hitting him as hard as I could while tears were falling down my eyes. I talked in the beginning but I was unable to say what I really wanted to say coz I started crying like a pig so I couldn’t talk anymore. That’s what I usually do when someone hits my very last nerve.
I also believe I have the most fragile heart. When one stressor hits, it breaks down. Just later this evening I overheard my parents fighting for the reason I didn’t know. Then they started to ignore each other. My parents are the sweetest and funniest couple I know, and when I see them disregarding each other, I’m the first person to be affected. I feel like I have the world on my shoulders and I have no one to help me carry the weight. I wanted to talk to them but I didn’t have the courage.
This is one thing I hate about myself. I’m already 19 years old but my emotions always beat me.
(*sigh* not a good comeback)